I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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