the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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