So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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