I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
