They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
