rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
