he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
