I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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