i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
