I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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