YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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