Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
