plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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