Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
