I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
