I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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