My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
