i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
