Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pants are for mortals
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
