did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
