you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize