am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
