I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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