So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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