Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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