our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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