I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
