youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize