so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
