Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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