once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
