never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
