so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
