When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
