I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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