So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize