how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
