as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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