the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
