Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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