He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
