so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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