If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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