she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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