East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
