Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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