I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
