I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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