i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
