I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She bit a glass in half.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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