atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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