I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
