just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
