Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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