I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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