You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Come on in and take your pants off
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