Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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