She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
