I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
