But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
