He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
