i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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