I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she smelled like a LAN party
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
