just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
