According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
