i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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