How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize