I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There are leaves in my underwear?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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