Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
