My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
