I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
