I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
