The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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